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March 6th

I guess it all boils down to one question: what do I want?

I can make a long list on that. But then i would end up writing things that I don’t really desire, and fill the paper just for the sake of it. But I also don’t want to be cliche and say I want to be happy. No, what I want is to know myself. Maybe that is why I feel like this, like I am at war with myself, because I don’t know her. I don’t know her full potential and never will.

Why never? Do I lack discipline, am I scared of change, am I approaching this in the wrong way?

Why when I know what I want, not do it?

Or maybe this is not even what I really want. Maybe the problem is the fact that I don’t want anything as much as to actually work for it.

I want to think that this is okay, I want to believe that it will get better but not wanting anything in this mortal world is like not wanting life itself.

And now that I think about it, honestly life, to live, it is overrated.

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A writer’s block

To write you have to experience,
To experience you have to live,
To live you have to feel,
And to feel you can’t help but get hurt.
And i got hurt, a lot…
So i stoped feeling,
Now i have no life,
So i don’t experience,
Therefore i am unable to write.

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The Bucket List

The first time I heard the word bucket list I was very young but non the less amazed by this idea. How people, grown ups mostly, take a pen and paper and write down what they want (be it an object or an experience) and work hard on achieving their goals throughout the year. How is this different from writing to Santa? I wondered.

The truth is, it’s not.

And this gives me hope that maybe deep down we are still children who just wish to have fun and enjoy themselves. So I encourage you to pick up a pen and paper and start writing. Wish for anything, don’t hesitate. And who knows, maybe Santa will give it to you this year.

Here is mine..