I guess it all boils down to one question: what do I want? 

I can make a long list on that. But then i would end up writing things that I don’t really desire, and fill the paper just for the sake of it. But I also don’t want to be cliche and say I want to be happy. No, what I want is to know myself. Maybe that is why I feel like this, like I am at war with myself, because I don’t know her. I don’t know her full potential and never will. 

Why never? Do I lack discipline, am I scared of change, am I approaching this in the wrong way? 

Why when I know what I want, not do it?

Or maybe this is not even what I really want. Maybe the problem is the fact that I don’t want anything as much as to actually work for it. 

I want to think that this is okay, I want to believe that it will get better but not wanting anything in this mortal world is like not wanting life itself.

And now that I think about it, honestly life, to live, it is overrated.